Classifieds

Sewanee is a delightful place to live, especially when a discussion gathers steam on the classifieds email system, as it did this morning with a post that made me laugh out loud.

What followed was even more amusing: some folks thought the original writer was serious; others knew he was being Swiftian in his satire; still others were incensed that some wanted all riders off the sidewalks; and still others suggested everyone get off the classifieds.

Here are a few of my favorite posts, beginning with the original:

Is there any way that, for safety's sake, we can get the university to erect signs on Sewanee's sidewalks (or at least those on University and Tennessee Avenues) designating them "for bicycles only"? Too many pedestrians are crowding the paved walkways, endangering bikers and impeding the cyclists' progress to class, McClurg, and social engagements. I worry that a biker is going to get hurt, maybe even seriously, colliding into an irresponsible pedestrian who is mindless of the danger that she or he poses by walking recklessly on the sidewalks. Does anyone in Classifiedsland share my concern?

. . . and another

Back in the days when Sewanee traditions were taken seriously, getting to work in a car down Tennessee Ave. resembled tourist posters for rural Greece. Just substitute students for the flock of sheep.

. . . and another

There is no need to worry! As soon as fraternities open 75% of the bikes on campus will get "borrowed" and never returned. As soon as rush begins, it will become uncool for anyone to ride a bike to class. Finally, for those still biking, it will become way too cold for anyone to ride a bike. Then, Classifieds can begin to worry about something else.

. . . and another

We need more bikes, fewer cars - if our roads were freed of unnecessary motor traffic, cyclists of all ages would be less loath to use them. There's no really convincing reason why a college student should be driving to and from class, given the relatively short distances inSewanee. And the excuse that "Sewanee class dress" requires skirts (which I have heard from young women) strikes me as particularly silly. Surely we can look serious about our academic pursuits without the assistance of sundresses?

. . . and the piece de resistance . . .

Awake! for Morning in Sewanee Town
Unveils a Disputation of renown
T'wixt Cyclists and those who go on Foot,
And some there are who jest, and some who frown.

As hurrying hither, thither, Wheels flash by,
And scurrying willy nilly others cry,
Let each the other greet, and pass in Peace.
And Classifieds some other Fishes fry.

With apologies to Oma and Old Fitz

P.S. No intention of disparaging a valid discussion, while hoping for peaceful existence. ("Fishes fry" was just too good to pass up -- blame it on the pain)

On days like this, who wouldn't want to live here!